Unwrapping…Birchbox February 2014

Confession: sometimes I cheat and look at what will be in my subscription boxes ahead of time.


We’ll pretend its so that I can write review posts quicker, but let’s be honest.  I really just get overexcited and want to know what I’m getting before it shows up in my mailbox.

(Spoiler alert: I have the excitement levels of a particularly active Jack Russell Terrier, and I am also terrible at Christmas anticipation.)

Birchbox Feb14

I was really excited when I saw what was coming in my February Birchbox, so the anticipation was preeeeetty high.  Here’s the roundup:

Juicy Couture – Juicy Couture 

Birchbox Feb 14 - Juicy

I am actually afraid to open this, because I’m terrified I’m going to love it but the full size is $94 and my life can’t take that right now.

I have no idea what it smells like.  Half of me hopes its delicious, and the other half is hoping for something like when my cat doesn’t make it to the litter box.

TMI?  Sorry.

Caudalie Make-Up Remover Cleansing Water 

Birchbox Feb14

I love when my boxes actually get me things that I’ve been hearing about and wondering if they’re any good!  I read an article about this stuff about two weeks ago and I’ve been curious ever since– so thanks, Birchbox.

I haven’t actually gotten a chance to try it, so, this is an anticlimactic review.  But I’m excited?


Serge Normant Meta Revive Dry Conditioner [retail: ]

Birchbox Feb14

This is another case of the above!  I suppose it only follows that if the world is going to be so obsessed with dry shampoo (..not that I’m not equally guilty) than sooner or later someone would capitalize with dry conditioner.  Again, read about it earlier last week and was frankly alarmed by the price tag, so chalked it up as another pipe dream trial.

Dusted my hair this morning because second day hair + the gym – time to do hair properly = me looking every inch the gym rat I am when I walk into work.  I was generally pleased– hair looks like it has a little more life without risking any of the greasiness of using some kind of serum or goo or god knows what else.

32 Oral Care Effervescent Breath Crystals 

Birchbox Feb14

THIS STUFF FEELS REALLY WEIRD IN YOUR MOUTH.  Its like Pop Rocks and toothpaste had a baby.  I’m still not sure how I feel about the resulting combo.  I’m going to go with “perturbed”.

Ruby Wing Color-Changing Polish 

Birchbox Feb14 Cowgirl

I was really jazzed when I pulled this out of the box– I’d crept on the polish before it arrived (obvs) and Ride ‘Em, Cowgirl was my color preference.  Getting it was a pretty happy moment for me.

(I’m also pretty okay with the fact that my boxes keep frontloading me on nail polish lately, but I honestly have not been painting my nails enough to give them all love.)

(..I’ve also been buying new Essie polishes because excuse me, have you seen their “encrusted” collection?  I’m pretty in love with On a Silver Platter)

ANYWAY so I put it on and it’s this incredibly, freakishly gilded sparkly gold.  A little bright for me usually but whatever, I was excited by the promise of color changing.  Shortly after, I went out to get the mail–

–and came back in the house to find my nails were a bright, sparkly, no-place-like-home red.  Needless to say, I have a new favorite thing.

Overall: generally pleased with box contents.  Mouth still feeling weird about those crystals.


Unwrapping…Birchbox January 2014

I am incredibly vain.

Like, duet-onstage-with-Matthew McConaughey vain, and I hope someone out there got that reference.   And I pretty much always have been, as much as I try to keep it under wraps these days.

I’ve loved makeup since I was a kid (what started it all: I was five; I wanted to be Glinda for Halloween, and I was insistent that I get to wear my mom’s lipstick to complete the ensemble).  I used to nick what I could out of the bathroom drawers and just play with it, because I was young and super weird and that’s what you do when you’re five.  So obviously when I got old enough that she would let me wear it, I was STOKED and probably made my fair share of poor choices because I was just so excited that I finally got to paint my own face and go out in public.

Since then I’ve gotten more restrained.  And honestly, my day to day makeup is so low-maintenance it isn’t even funny.  But I still love getting new products and trying them out, and I especially love getting to go all out with them when the occasion arises.  So it follows that one of my favorite things in life is something so many of you like-minded girls already know about: makeup subscription boxes.

(Because honestly, who doesn’t like getting packages?  Especially packages with mystery contents, most of those contents cosmetic products?  I thought not.)

I currently subscribe to five, because I am a subscription slut and I don’t like keeping money in my bank account apparently.  Bimonthly is the e.l.f Beauty Bundle.  Monthly I have non-cosmetic Naturebox, which is healthy subscription snacks; My Cotton Bunny, which is the single greatest thing to ever happen to women ever (never buy tampons again); the ipsy Glam Bag, which I have had an on-and-off relationship with; For the Makers, which is a monthly DIY type box for crafters that I have literally just subscribed to but have heard wonderful things about; and the reigning queen of subscription cosmetic boxes, Birchbox.

I love these little bastards.

I love these little bastards.

You’ll probably never read a review of an MCB box or a Naturebox, because it would read something like the following:

“Oh my GOD.  MCB sent me my tampons– right on time.  And chocolate, too!  And these texting gloves are rad, I was so excited to hear I’d be getting them.”

Nothing against MCB.  I love you guys.  But I get to read about my surprise weeks before my box arrives on the blog, and a standing date to review one product every month would be a little..well.  Sad.  (Sorry.  Did I mention how much I love you guys?)

But Birchbox, ipsy, and FTM will get reviews, mark my words.  And now, after having all that explanation…have a review of my January Birchbox, which was waiting for me when I got home from work yesterday.

100% Pure Fruit Pigmented Mascara (retail: $18)
100% Pure Mascara - BBX Jan 14

True story, I won the fourth grade science fair with an experiment about plant dies.  That may have been because the judge was one of the perviest science teachers I have ever known and I have always been a killer bullshitting suckup, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was a solid experiment and I am very, very upset that the people at 100% Pure didn’t contact me to be part of their R&D team.

Not really.  But royalties would be cool.

Anyway, back to the point.  This stuff smells phenomenal, for starters, which might be in small part due to the fruit.  Maybe.

I just checked and its holding up pretty well after application hour two, which is pretty legit.  It went on a little clumpier than some of my other mascaras, but it actually packs a pretty good volume punch.  I would definitely consider splurging on this when the aforementioned “other mascaras” (..I have a problem) run out or go bad, if I felt the need to splurge and get $18 mascara.

We’ll see about that one.

Fekkai Brilliant Glossing Crème (retail: $19.99)
Fekkai Glossing Creme - BBX Jan14

Seriously fucked up on my test run of this this morning.  I blame post-gym brain.  I was hoping I could hit a sweet spot between my usual off-shower day dry shampoo and some of this, to pick up most of the actual oil that was in my hair but still leave a little bit of shine.  Of course, I forgot I had it in my bag until after I was 95% done putting my hair up into something that looked sensible enough for work, so I may have just dabbed a pinhead sized amount over everything to see if I could get any shine.

We’ll have to do a re-do on this one.  But I have hope.  Its Fekkai, goddamn it.  I’d better have hope.

Nail Rock (retail: $7)
Nail Rock - BBX Jan14

In case anyone has been paying attention to my hands in the previous pictures, my nails are in dire need of a paint job, so I’m incredibly excited to try this stuff out.  Unfortunately I don’t think I’m going to have time to until the weekend, but whatever.  I’m still excited.  It looks like the glitter container is a little small, is my only concern; I’m expecting one nailjob out of this, two tops.  But glitter is also cheap, so I’m not concerned about being able to replicate this with reasonable levels of success and a lower price tag.  But then again, I’m one of those people who shells out for Essie like…all the time.  I’m pretty sure my nail budget can take the hit if I love it that much.

I’m also not sure I’ll love it more than I love Moon Candy.  You’ll hear about Moon Candy later this week, but holy mother of christ do I love Moon Candy.

Paula’s Choice RESIST Ultra-Light Super Antioxidant Concentrate Serum (retail: $26.95)
Paula's Choice - BBX Jan14

Well, aside from the fact that the name is as long as the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Want to Learn to do Other Things Good Too.  The color and consistency were not at all what I expected– it’s like a funky off-mustard kind of yellow, and a lot looser than I thought it would be.  But I slapped it on in lieu of my usual eye cream last night and things seem to be looking good– less puffy, really.

I don’t know.  I don’t have a lot of concerns about aging skin right now, being as I am twenty-two, but I guess its nice to have things to put into the memory banks as part of an arsenal for later in life.  I guess.

Ahmad Tea’s Assorted Teas (retail: $7)
Ahmad's Tea - BBX Jan14

I love when Birchbox sends me tea.  I love tea.  I love good tea.  I also really hate buying good tea, because I’m never sure if I’m going to like it and I don’t want to shell out good money for expensive tea I’m not going to be gaga over.  In comes Birchbox to the rescue, sending me all kinds of fantastic teas I would probably not ever buy for myself.

This morning I had the Blackcurrant at work.  It was more fragrant than anything else, but hey.  Tea!  Who doesn’t like tea.

And, because Birchbox likes to send in little extras to make you feel good about things…this month we got some neat motivational cards that I have no idea what I’m going to do with.

Cards - BBX Jan14

I am pretty into them, though.  Especially that “Go get ’em tigress” down at the bottom.  I am a goddamn tigress, Birchbox.  Thank you for reminding me.

Overall I’m satisfied.  Hell, I’m rarely dissatisfied with my Birchboxes– there was only one time I was solidly disappointed with a sample, and that’s only because it was for what I believe is so poetically called “natural hair” (okay, my hair is natural too, thanks, its just fine and generally straight).  And that’s what I love about BBX: I may not always love everything I get, but you better believe I use it all because I at least like it.  And if I wind up with something I absolutely adore (see also: the liquid eyeliner I got a few months ago that I think will change my life, and possibly this month’s mascara), it’s all for the better.

Onward to February, BirchBitches.